What Women Want

Mountains: Campbell's mom, Jean, Campbell and myself. It is an interesting dynamic. I can see now why Campbell is drawn to strong women and makes me wonder if I must appear so to him. She is a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it. I am a woman who wants things, often unreasonably, and hates when they don't manifest themselves. These are our differences. In this way it reveals much of what troubles our relationship. He is waiting for me to tell him to do something while I wait for him to do what will make me happy by inference.

The days have been fun albeit full of anxety. I may be too high strung and bitchy for the woman to condone me for her son. She has probably seen me more myself than any mother of a past boyfriend.

Speaking of which, let's talk about that. Why do I constantly refer to my ex-boyfriends in front of the boy? This I don't even know myself. It is something that I never did with Andre nor did I do it with Rob. For some reason I feel as though it gives me power in this relationship that I would not otherwise have. At the same time, I have the major sense that it is a turnoff yet for some reason I cannot help myself. I think that I believe that Campbell will hear of my escapades and my lovers and try to work harder to please me, especially since he is a boy with an ego to begin with. This, of course, is untrue. I am impossible to read, don't speak of what I want, and then get pissed about not getting it when it doesn't come to pass.

Strange that a girl can know all of this yet never bother to change it. Or be too afraid to do so.