elusive comfort

I'm searching for something and I don't know what it is. Days go by and I feel impending failure. This is false. I am upon the journey that is my life. I want to abandon the past to this new journey. Yet, letting go of all that is and has been is nearly impossible. The nature and nurture of a lifetime cling to my ego which I seek to forsake. The answer is an eternal tomorrow, slowly stepping towards it but never reaching that destination. I type away, accomplishing nothing, dividing my hope into half-lives rather than realizing the whole. I will never "be" at this rate. I will only briefly catch wisps of hope in exponential decay. Soon they will be unrecognizable and one with my accomplishments. Happiness resides in these two which I abandon like radioactive waste.